It's so hard to be really funny when you're hosting an awards show without purposely insulting the privileged group of celebs sitting in the audience. If you're too soft on them, you get backlash for wimping out. If you're too hard on them, you get backlash for being mean. You almost can't win! Unless...you're Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!
If they weren't my idols before, they're cemented as such now! How perfect to call the weeks leading up to wearing those dresses "The Hunger Games" and suggesting their time after the show will involve a "Life of Pi(e)". So true ladies! And they looked spectacular, didn't they? Tina Fey really worked her Garnier Fructis hair...and newly single Amy Poehler rocked the cleavage like a teenage superstar.
Not to be accused of lobbing softballs all night, they upped the offense-factor by lauding Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow's expertise on torture since she had been married to James Cameron for years (ouch!). But my biggest laugh of the night was a saucy little piece of advice to Taylor Swift: "Stay away from Michael J. Fox's son". Because you know she was already thinking about asking for his number, right? You know it! Can they please make a Back to the Future reboot with him in it? Adorable!
Ok. So as for the fashions. I can't begin without first addressing J.Lo's date. Little Casper whatever-his-last-name-is (who is a BACKUP DANCER incase you didn't know) sitting in his white (is he a waiter?) tuxedo jacket, looking totally and completely out-of-place, watching J.Lo's two successful and famous exes work the room like the pros that they are was just SAD SAD SAD. Do you think she was sitting there - watching Ben Affleck accept a Best Director award - thinking "What am I doing?". Lord, I hope so. Someone please get that girl an actual MAN. Like a tall, successful, manly man who is over age 40 and has a dime to his name? Please.
And while I loved both of these red dresses on winner Jennifer Lawrence and the talented Marion Cotillard, I would have expected the House of Dior to NOT send two A-list actresses down the red carpet in such similar dresses of theirs. Come on Dior - you've gotta have another colour and belt in your current repertoire, no? Is there a stylist out there who is getting fired today? I kind of hope so. The are maybe 50 women who will really get noticed on the red carpet...are there not at least 50 different dresses out there too?
Misteps were aplenty, with too many stunning women looking dramatically sombre in varying shades of burgundy/maroon. I was hoping for something a little more vibrant from Naomi Watts. And I think Jessica Chastain raided Cameron Diaz's closet. And not in a good way. Give that dress back to Cameron where it belongs! Claire Danes went just a wee bit overboard with her eyeliner, but I'll give her props for how annoyed I am by her awesome post-baby bod. Seriously? Her and Megan Fox are clearly not of this world if they look that good that fast!
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think the dress I liked the best was on Olivia Munn! It fit her perfectly, it was elegant and unique, it had a great colour scheme and level of craftmanship & detail, it was perfectly accessorized, and the hair and makeup were simple and pretty. Nice work Armani!
Have to say congrats to Jodie Foster for whatever she said. It seemed brave & important...I think. It was kinda hard to tell.
All in all, an entertaining night with many memorable moments and big laughs! Shall we start the campaign to have Tina & Amy host again next year? I'm already cringing just thinking about how Seth MacFarlane is going to ruin the Oscars next month...
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