Well...I was really looking forward to providing you with a positive, gushing list of Best Dressed people from last night's Met Gala (aka Costume Institute Gala) in NYC, but unfortunately, that is not to be. In keeping with the gloomy, rainy, hideous weather that has been playing with my sanity for the past 2 days, I am sorry to report that after reviewing over 138 red carpet shots from last night, all I can show you is the Worst Dressed List. And basically, that list is Every Single Person who was there. Brace yourself for catty sarcasm people. Here it comes.
I don't have the room (or the patience) to show you 138 photos of "what were they thinking?", so I'm just going to give you the Top 5 MOST HIDEOUSLY DRESSED recap because we all have things to do today.
#5: Rihanna. My gosh woman, why do you fight looking classy with such vigor? Do you ALWAYS have to put some rocker, weirdo spin on a formal occasion and wear your hair in the absolute WORST way possible? Well if that is your goal, my congratulations. Mission accomplished. Again. You look like a mixture of a crocodile and a snake, and your hair looks like Princess Leia after she went a few rounds with Han Solo after saving him from the cryogenic freeze in Jaba the Hutt's floating barge. Well done.
#4: Gwyneth Paltrow. It comes as no surprise to me that Gwyneth hadn't even SEEN this dress the day before the Gala. I'm pretty sure that if she had, there would have been a very heated - although environmentally-friendly and gooptastic - exchange of words that involved questions like "Am I going to Mars?" and "Do you think I am auditioning for a role in the live-action remake of The Jetsons?". I'm sure she had no choice - Prada was being honoured, so Prada Gwynnie will wear. I just don't see her heading home to Chris Martin and causing any kind of 50 Shades of Grey heat in this outfit. I'm sure of it. Well done on the post-2-baby-braless-defying-gravity-boobs though. I am impressed by that.
#3: Anna Wintour. At the risk of offending the scariest woman in fashion (maybe even the world), I'm just going to say I don't think it is a wise choice - surrealist theme or not - to pair fluffy baby polar bear with a bejewelled knee-attacking lobster. I don't care who you are or how consistently fabulous and age-defying your perfect bob is.
#2: Three-Way-Tie: Cate Blanchett, Amy Poehler, and Rooney Mara. This is a trifecta of bad black dresses the likes of which I've never seen. Cate always makes risky choices, but this is not risky - it's just bad. Can she even walk in that thing? At least she could be wearing super comfy Crocs all night and no one would know. And Amy! Amy is my number-one-girlcrush but I can't justify a peplum frill on a girl with this figure and again - what's with the feathery mermaid tribute? I just don't want to see a mermaid-y bottom on anyone but Darryl Hannah. And Rooney always looks gothly black and scary but that still doesn't mean anyone needs to see her black granny panties while she's doing it.
#1: Elizabeth Banks. There are no words. Seriously. I'm speechless. WTF???
Have a great catty, sarcastic, rainy day gals. I have to go avoid all human contact now. xo