I'm tired, I am cold, and I really want to go to bed, but I just cannot stop thinking about how much I wanted to cry when I saw the parade of prom dresses on so many A-list stars at last night's Emmy's. The whole thing has just left the worst taste in my mouth. I didn't realize taffeta tasted so bad!
They have SO much money. SO many connections. Stylists at their beck and call for clothing, jewels, hair and makeup. It is just inexusable to look so bad with such an army of help at their feet and limitless funds (not that they even need to spend a dime) to lead them to whatever couture their hearts desire.
And so...I present to you: the top reasons for my terrible Emmy 2012 Aftertaste.
#1: Mermaid Mania. Gorgeous women. Gorgeous Figures. An inexplicable need to pay homage to Darryl Hannah in Splash. Tom Hanks was in the audience...but I think his marriage to Rita Wilson is pretty solid so can we please give this silhouette a rest for a while? Or at least limit it to less than 5 women at the same event? Here are 8 examples, and believe me, I could find at least 20 more.
#2: I think I may be developing a hate-on for Marchesa. When they first launched, I truly loved the ethereal and feminine dresses they were coming up with as it had been a long time since such flowing, detailed, whimsical creations had graced the red carpets. But now it is 8 years later of the exact same stuff and it's just starting to look like they grab organza by the yard and drape it over something shiny and/or sparkly and call it a day.
#3: Kristin Wig keeps breaking my heart. I love her soooo much and she is brilliantly funny and bold and self-deprecating and awesome but I swear to the gods of fashion, if she keeps showing up in neutral toned dresses that are ill-fitting and in no way dressy enough for a red carpet, I will cry. She could have actually done something passable here but then she clearly went and did LSD before she chose her footwear. I just cannot even talk about those shoes. There is nothing funny about pointy-toed tan suede pumps with that white chiffon Balenciaga slip dress - even if they are Jimmy Choo. Great with jeans and a sweater. Not great with a slip dress.
#4: The Worst Vs Worst Contest. This is a really tough decision because both of these women brought the level of respectability of the entire Emmy awards down about 65%. Like, these are so bad there should have been a fashion-bouncer at the door who was allowed to just say "No" and leave it at that. I want to support Ashley Judd in all her crusading against everything bad in the world, especially as it relates to the treatment of women, but she is making it REALLY difficult by looking like a beauty pageant from the 80's threw up all over her. Not to mention the Transylvanian hair. And I don't even know who Phoebe Price is but I already wish she would go back to waitressing. Final decision on the worst of the night goes to Ashley though. Because she's been around much too long and should just know better.
With all that said, I will leave you with my trio of girl crushes because these ladies rocked it big time and saved me from having wasted an entire evening watching that show. Ginnifer Goodwin (always awesome, and especially in orange), Edie Falco (a rockstar choice that she totally pulled off) and my absolute favourite of the night in a brilliant blue: Jane Levy. If you're not already watching her on Suburgatory, you need to start pronto. Bravo to those three and thanks to them for taking the Emmy's seriously enough to make an effort. Everyone else, please take note.
As a post-script, don't judge me, but am I the only one who found Kevin Costner erotically appealing with his shirt undone and the smirk beneath his sunglasses? I know, it's sick right? But for some reason I can't stop the longing...